Why do I even bother

What is going on with my life; things seem to have derailed totally.  Happiness and I seem to be at odds; eternal foes.  I don't really ask for much, just love and happiness.  Why can't either one seem to find me?  Am I doing something wrong?  What is it?  I am a kind enough person, so why am I being re- paid like this?  I am miserable; the utter definition of miserable.  I have never felt so lost and confused in my entire life; what is going on?  I need help; I need a miracle.  Please God, let me find this miracle.